after the storm

i hate that i chant your name
over and over and over again…
like a wave beating against the shores in perfect rhythm.
it whispers to me…
it invites me in.

i hate that i think of you
when i see everyone
when i feel like i’m not
who we want to be.

this is a terrible fate that i, like you, wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

but then this should never have happened.
i am trapped
in emotions, in intensity, in love, and in shear
matter of fact.

but you are in a box.
stuck in a box i can’t even see; hidden.
and i’m on the outside. 
and i cannot get in.

how did this happen
my love?
was the sun always this dull?
it seems like it should be brighter up above.

did weeks always go by this quickly? i wonder…
were the days always this disorienting and
do you remember the thunder?
the lightning? the rain?
the rain the rain how we tried to use it wash away our pain.
instead i feel like it stained
a memory in me.
something i will carry around for what seems an eternity.
at least to me.

are you following me?
this is the storm i live in every day.
and i try to leave you be.
without me.
a life without gray.